Instead of criticizing and shaming other moms, let’s revert the trend and talk about what we feel proud of as mothers. Find at least one thing you think you are doing okay as a parent and don’t worry so much about what other people think. I am so sick of seeing how many of us doubt ourselves after feeling we can’t do anything right according to other moms, grandmothers or even strangers around us. It’s as if every move we make is constantly being evaluated against an impossibly high standard that, of course, we can’t reach.
However, most of us are not failing as moms. Perfection is not the goal, but rather to find some sense of balance while raising healthy and (mostly) happy kids. To revert the mom-shaming trend I decided to focus on the positive. Let’s concentrate on at least one thing we are getting right instead of allowing ourselves to be depressed and overwhelmed by everything we always seem to get wrong.
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That’s why I made this video.
What can you do when others criticize you as a mom?
To avoid suffering needlessly there are several things we can do. If constant criticism is overwhelming you, here are a few suggestions :
- Accept that others are entitled to their opinions, even if you don’t like them. You can’t control what they say or do, so instead of feeling frustrated by not being able to do anything, come to terms with the fact that it will happen. Do not waste your energy on something you can’t change!
- If you are doubting yourself, assess how your child is doing. Is your baby healthy? Is your son happy? Does your daughter appear well-adjusted and is doing well in school? Focus on your child’s wellbeing rather than on the opinion of others. If your little one is OK, move on because you’re clearly doing the best for him or her.
- Avoid fighting when somebody criticizes you. When someone seeks conflict, do not give in. Chances are that there is nothing you can do or say to change their mind. Other people’s words are just that: nothing but their opinion. Confrontation is a waste of your energy. And I don’t know about you but my energy is extremely precious because I am always tired.
- Keep in mind that parenting has changed tremendously in the past 30 years. Grandmothers and aunts may be used to doing things “their” way, which was okay thirty years ago but now doctors and experts have other advice. Don’t treat them as if they are ignorants, but rather explain that things have changed and that pediatricians have different recommendations.
- Don’t let other people’s words hurt you. Try to not let hurtful words get to to you, especially if you are are making the best decisions for your child. Especially if you have taken the time to gather the best information available or have sought out the advice of true experts.
- Evaluate whether the criticism is nothing more than a poorly expressed comment. Sometimes words are poorly chosen or the way they are delivered make us feel criticized. Just keep in mind that sometimes people do mean well but lack subtlety or simply don’t know how to articulate their observations in a respectful way.
- If someone insists on humiliating you, making fun of your parenting style or criticizing your children’s behavior, find a way to be strong and stop them in their tracks. Let them know that they need to respect you. You can set limits firmly but without losing your temper or stop being polite, even if you blood is boiling.
Thanks for watching my vlog and make sure to check out my YouTube channel, Hispana Global. What is your proudest parenting moment? Why do you think so many moms seem to enjoy criticizing other parents?