“The first time we had sex after giving birth, I felt as nervous as when I lost my virginity,” confided a close friend when I was about to become a mom. I thought she was exaggerating but weeks later I totally got it. Your body changes after you have a baby, you’re exhausted and many women have an episiotomy, which involves stitches, healing and later might make you feel like a virgin in some ways. It might make sex after pregnancy seem quite stressful instead of fun.
Seldom does anybody talk about this, though, so I decided to gather a few tips for any new parents that are wondering whether they will ever remember how they actually made their baby. And yes, you can still have have hot moments of passion in your life after having kids. Trust me. I won’t go into details since my older son reads my blog but there is sex after pregnancy. Maybe not right away, but give it some time.
Tips when having sex after baby
- Patience, patience and more patience: aside from the obvious changes in a woman’s body, hormones go crazy after pregnancy and can affect your libido. Factor in the lack of sleep and it might take longer than expected to feel like having some adult fun under the sheets.
- Express your feelings: intimacy is much more than sex, but sex for many couples is the way they express their intimacy. Remember that communication is key to staying connected and understanding each other. Even if you decide to postpone sex for a while, find ways to express your love and reclaim intimacy.
- Make mom feel attractive: self-esteem can take a serious hit when you look at yourself postpartum. The once adorable belly that carried your baby for 40 weeks is nothing even close to cute. The best antidote for any woman that feels self-conscious of her body is for her partner to show her she’s still sexy.
- Don’t rush things: go slow, gauge your partner’s reaction and adjust your moves if necessary. Many women
- Understand that your baby is #1: in those first weeks after giving birth, your baby will seem to absorb every single ounce of energy that you have. This is normal. It’s also normal to interrupt your moment of passion if your baby starts crying. Don’t get angry or frustrated. It gets easier and you will adjust to your new normal.
- Find what works for you: adjust your schedule to fit in some sexy time together (especially when your baby is sleeping), set up your bedroom for romance, make a playlist that helps you get in the mood, wear a bra if you’re nursing and worried about leaking… you get the idea.
- Remember birth control: unless you want to go from one pregnancy to the next, discuss with your doctor and your partner how you will prevent getting pregnant right after giving birth. Breastfeeding is not a reliable contraceptive and many of my friends thought that because they didn’t get their period, they couldn’t get pregnant. Some even had their second child around their firstborn’s first birthday.
I have to admit my husband was great in getting me to relax and enjoy ourselves as a couple. It wasn’t easy and it required great effort at times, but it was totally worth it.